I'm Back, Bitches!!!

My life has changed a lot lately.  We moved to a place we actually like, I got a job I enjoy, and I'm making REAL money for the first time in my life.  I have made it through the last year without therapy and I am off all of my depression and anti-anxiety medications.  Within the next year we will be buying a house!  I have undergone a significant amount of mental transition and growth, but the biggest thing is, I am ready to make some big changes in my life, and it's really, really hard.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how to change without becoming so overwhelmed, that I want to quit before I even start.  We know that in order to succeed, we have to believe in ourselves, and not just casually, but we have to be able to fully commit to owning that insecurity and turning it into straight determination.  We have to be able to set aside every preconceived notion about our abilities and strengths and talents and skills and...well, we have to be able to see ourselves fully transformed and then actually KNOW it can happen. 

While I contemplate that task, I have been doing a lot of reading and watching and listening on the internet, and I have learned quite a bit that may help me get to where I want to be.  Maybe I will get into it later, but basically, I took a class called Thought Patterns for High Performers, and I spent a lot of time in two subreddits that are awesome communities: r/loseit and r/xxfitness. I've been inspired and have learned that so much more of my life is under control than I thought. I've also spent a lot of time talking to professionals and doing my own research, and I have learned a lot about healthy diet and exercise.


Over the last few months I have been focusing a lot on personal growth and fulfillment, and I have been thinking about how to implement a plan.  I finally have something, which I hesitate to call a list of resolutions, because that feels sort of doomed to fail, but I don't really know what would be better.  So I have some goals for 2015 I would like to share with you all, and I hope you will help me accomplish these goals through your support and love.

1. Cycle 100 miles in a day.  I have a plan put together with help from the Cascade Cycling Club's STP training plan where by the first week of June I will have reached this goal through practicing.  Then, I want to participate in the Tour de Lentil in Pullman at the end of August to ride 150km (93mi) in one day, and of course there is Bike MS on September 12th & 13th.  This year I want to ride the 97 mile route on day 1 and the shorter route on the 2nd day.  This will be a HUGE accomplishment because last year I struggled to get in 20 miles each day and I was so embarrassed the whole time.  I would love to ride proud this year.

2. Eat better, no excuses.  We already eat pretty good, but I can do SO much better.  This year is all about more produce (and fresher when possible), and good good meat.  We've transitioned to only grass-fed beef and lamb, and free-range chicken is coming this week.  There will be a lot less eating out for me, especially the coffees and breakfast sandwiches I love to get at work.  They aren't high-calorie or anything, but they aren't fresh and they're costing me a lot of money.

3. Save money!!!  We are buying a house when our current lease is up and it's SUCH an overwhelming process.  Trying to figure out even the general area we want to live is stressful!  But one thing I do have control over is how much money goes into our bank account an dhow much comes out.  I can save a lot by  not buying "fast" food and coffees, and by just thinking before I swipe the card.  I know little differences can add up to a lot of money over the course of a few months.

4. Pick up my flute again.  This one starts on Thursday, when I join the Marysville Concert Band.  This is going to be a fun and inexpensive way for me to get a LOT of personal benefit.  I'll be meeting new people and hopefully making a friend or two, I'll be working on improving my musical skills, and I will having something to look forward to every week.

5. Cut out toxic people.  This one is HUGE.  Like, maybe the most important thing.  I have a lot of people in my life, friends and family both, who approach me and my goals as though they are trying to "help."  But the end result is preachy and discouraging.  I know I do this too, and it's something I am trying to work on, but I also need to look out for my own needs and if someone is behaving in a way that is counter to my goals, I need to take a step back.  I have a lot of positive people in my life and I should be making time for them anyway.

Finally, I am going to write about this journey.  It's not so much to keep me accountable as it is to remind myself why I'm doing this when things get tough. I might just share about my day, I might talk about workouts, I might share recipes or kitchen gadgets I am loving...whatever.  I've already been implementing a lot of these changes and I have been so much happier for it.  Life is about enjoying everything to the fullest, and unless I make some big changes, I am going to be wasting my life.

So, I'm back bitches.  If you want to support me, I appreciate any words of love and support you have to offer, and if anybody wants to work out together or be accountability partners, I am SO down.  This is going to be a big year for me, and I am so ready for change and improvement!!!

<3 Sarah